Lividness towards self: The aftermath of not voting

Amid the zeniths, there always is bound to come the great vale- the nadir. Such nadirs not only bring a state of scruple, but incite spite, regret and resent for not being able to or rather ‘not doing’ what morally or ethically you must have done.

The worst face of such lividity is that you are bound to hate no one but yourself, for there lies a possibility that you will not be having answers to the questions that you loved to put before others, especially when the buzzer rang for your turn.

The sole reason for this cattiness in me is something that most people would call ‘Worthless of worrying over’. But then I ask myself, “Why still talk about others when you have failed yourself here?”

A few days ago, I read an article that goes by the name ‘The Total Perspective Vortex’ by Mitali Saran. It came out to be something that I could relate myself very well to, right from the opening lines till the end. It has left a mark over me for something pretty overwhelming that she writes:

This is for anyone who is all worked up about Mandate 2014 – everyone, in other words, except Mumbai. It’s for all of us who are fretting about the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) selling the country to crony capitalists, or the Congress not allowing anybody to sell anything at all, or the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) sleeping on the pavement and gheraoing people who pay their bills. It’s for those of us suffering from NaMonia, whether because we think he descended from heaven, or because we know he busted out of hell. It’s for every stressed-out Indian voter.

Three words for all of us: take it easy. Too much emotional participation in democracy can make you ill.

This election season has already been long enough to make our eyes bleed, and we’re still three weeks away from knowing whether we should be ordering champagne or trying to jump off the balcony. Our emotions have been so high-pitched for so long that we’re burning out. It’s time to pause and put things in their place.”

Such times when you feel something or someone reciprocating exactly what you have been thinking of, you feel all charged up because your support system gets another pillar.

May be I have gone ill. I think too much about the core issues that bother us- the nation as a whole. I think a lot about what defines the secular, educated, informed, open-minded and open-ended Indians. But then, why didn’t I cast my vote?

This abhorrence and disappointment in myself is even more pinching when I feel and rethink that it was not just the ink that I have missed on my finger, but the chance to change or take part in deciding who inks what decides to much extent, our future.

I have justifications; I have got into the habit for having answers to everything I talk about. But I am not going to put any out of them before you. Speculations, vaguish answers (as they may seem) don’t work.

My vote, probably held an infinitesimal power to alter the scried results of my constituency, with the prescience of a deserving dynast taking over the charge for the second time. But many such decimals count to thousands and then to lakhs of voters. My vote, if it had got life, would have gone to his counterpart. That holds its own charm of reasoning, too.

Two-thirds of majority is all it takes for political giants to mark what they call ‘Victory’ in the game of the national throne adored in the ‘Sansad Bhavan’ and two-thirds of my state public has cast their vote.

I am living with spite at the moment- the cup of spite full with regret-flowing out. But my cup is apparently still empty. My cup still craves for alternatives to avoid such regrets to anyone, ever, in any aspect.

Trust me, the feeling of getting too much into discussions debates and predictions of what might or might not happen has one serious implication as far as your political interests, ideology and affiliation alignment is concerned. The regret of not participating in selecting who shall ‘Govern’ the nation is deep to the core. It kills you and you do not know why. “Why all of a sudden?”

My idea is still alive. My vision of a better India still lives with me. All I can do right now is console myself and be glad for the moment that this regret still doesn’t make me believe in the opening dialogues of one of my favorite Robert Rodrigues’ classics ‘Sin City’ (2005)-

You are ready to face what you have to face, but you don’t want to face it alone”.

I couldn’t or I didn’t ; but my logic tells me that there is a negation that shouldn’t have been. I am ready to take charge and face it alone. Albeit, it does not imply that I do not have a statement for those who couldn’t vote for the reasons that I didn’t. I shall discuss that next, hopefully.

As for now, I feel before we mar all the excitement among first time voters, we need to give a second thought to the already much lenient ‘Terms and conditions’ we have in our nation to exercise our Right to Vote.